What I Wish I’d Taught My Sons Before University

When my sons first went away to university, I thought I had prepared them.

They were bright, responsible young men. They could handle applications, scholarships, deadlines, travel and all the big things that come with studying away from home.

So naturally, I assumed we were ready.

Then university actually started.

And suddenly I found myself answering questions I had never thought to teach them.

How long do I cook this?

Can I freeze that?

How much money should I have left by Friday?

How often am I supposed to wash my bedding?

What do I do if I don’t know anyone at this event?

Do I really need to buy this?

And my personal favourite:

Have you eaten?

Last year, one of my sons was studying in Bournemouth while the other was in Coventry.

Two boys.

Two cities.

Two completely different university experiences.

And one mum trying very hard to look as though she knew exactly what she was doing.

I didn’t.

There were days when I felt like I was running a tiny university support centre from my phone.

One message about food.

One about money.

One about transport.

One about accommodation.

Another about something I was absolutely certain we had discussed before they left home.

And somewhere in between all of that, I started realising something.

We spend so much time preparing young people academically for university that we sometimes forget about the ordinary little life skills they suddenly need once they get there.

The Little Things Become Big Things

Knowing how to cook five simple meals might not sound important.

Until it is 9pm, you are hungry, you have spent too much money on takeaways this week and you are staring into a fridge with no idea what to do.

Knowing how to budget £40 might not sound particularly exciting.

Until it needs to last until Friday.

Knowing how to walk into a room alone and say hello might seem like a tiny thing.

Until you are eighteen, living somewhere new and everyone around you appears to have already made friends.

These were the things I hadn’t really thought about.

Not because my sons were incapable.

But because, like many parents, I had quietly been doing some of these things for them for years.

Cooking Was a Big One

I realised very quickly that knowing how to feed yourself is one of the most useful skills you can take to university.

Not fancy cooking.

Nobody needs to arrive at halls knowing how to make a five-course meal.

I mean:

Pasta.

Chicken and rice.

A stir-fry.

An omelette.

A baked potato.

A chilli you can make once and eat for several days.

Real food for real life.

That realisation eventually became The Student’s First 10 Meals, because I kept thinking:

Why don’t we teach them this before they go?

Money Was Another Lesson

University is often the first time young people have had to manage a meaningful amount of money themselves.

And one thing I learned very quickly is that:

Your bank balance is not necessarily your spending money.

If some of that money has to cover groceries, transport, laundry, socialising and expenses for the next two weeks, suddenly the number in the bank account means something very different.

Those are conversations worth having before they leave.

Not after the first budget emergency.

And Then There Is the Social Side

Both of my boys can be quiet and reserved, and university also taught me just how much courage it can take to put yourself out there.

Go to the event.

Introduce yourself.

Join the society.

Sit next to someone you don’t know.

Ask someone if they want to get coffee.

Those seem like tiny actions, but for a shy student they can feel enormous.

And parents cannot do that part for them.

We can encourage them.

But eventually we have to give them enough space to find their own people.

The Hardest Lesson Might Have Been Mine

University wasn’t only teaching my sons independence.

It was teaching me something too.

When do I step in?

When do I let them work it out?

When do they need advice?

And when do they just need Mum to listen?

That is not always easy.

After years of solving problems for your children, suddenly you have to resist the urge to solve every problem.

Sometimes the most useful thing you can say is:

“What do you think you should do?”

And then wait.

So What Would I Teach Them Before University Now?

If I could rewind the clock, I would make sure they could:

• cook at least five basic meals

• shop for a week of food

• understand a simple budget

• do laundry properly

• clean a kitchen and bathroom

• know what to do if they get sick

• know where their important documents are

• understand basic food safety

• make at least one emergency meal

• ask for help

• introduce themselves to someone new

• know who to call when something goes wrong

None of those things are particularly glamorous.

But together they make leaving home a lot less frightening.

They Do Not Have to Be Completely Ready

That may be the biggest thing I learned.

Your child does not need to leave home knowing everything.

Mine certainly didn’t.

And neither did I.

They will burn something.

They will probably overspend once.

They may forget a washing day.

They might call home about something you thought was obvious.

That is part of growing up.

The goal is not to prepare them for every possible situation.

The goal is simply to give them enough confidence to begin.

And then trust that they will learn the rest along the way.

That is exactly why I created Before Uni.

Real-life skills for students leaving home — and the parents helping them get ready.

Not sure where to begin?

Download the free Before Uni Checklist: 25 Things Every Student Should Know Before Leaving Home.

And if cooking is the part you are worried about, start with The Student’s First 10 Meals.

Because apparently, at some point, they really do have to feed themselves.