Starting university when you’re naturally shy can feel like everyone else has been handed a social instruction manual you somehow missed.

You arrive.

People are introducing themselves.

Someone has already suggested going out that evening.

Another person appears to have made six best friends before you’ve even worked out which cupboard is yours.

And you’re wondering whether it would be socially acceptable to spend the entire first week in your room.

The good news?

You are not the only person feeling like this.

A lot of students arrive at university nervous about meeting people, living with strangers and trying to work out where they fit.

Some are simply better at looking confident.

Here are ten things worth knowing before you arrive.

1. You Do Not Need to Become an Extrovert

University is not a personality makeover.

You do not suddenly need to become louder, more outgoing or interested in every social event.

Being quiet is not a problem that needs fixing.

You just need to give yourself enough opportunities to meet people in ways that feel manageable.

2. Everyone Looks More Confident Than They Feel

That student laughing loudly in the kitchen?

They may have spent the previous hour wondering whether anybody would talk to them.

The person walking confidently into the Freshers event?

They may be terrified.

Try not to compare how you feel inside with how somebody else looks on the outside.

3. You Only Need One Conversation to Start

You do not need to make your lifelong friendship group in the first three days.

Start smaller.

Say hello to one flatmate.

Ask someone what course they’re studying.

Sit beside somebody in a lecture.

Ask whether they know where the next class is.

One conversation is enough.

4. Freshers’ Week Is Not University

Freshers’ Week can make university look like one giant party.

It isn’t.

There will be students who love clubbing.

Students who go once.

Students who never go.

Students who would rather join a film society, gaming club, choir, sports team or book group.

You are allowed to build university life around the things you actually enjoy.

5. You’re Allowed to Go Somewhere Alone

This is one of the strangest things to get used to.

At school, you may have always arrived somewhere with friends.

At university, people constantly go to lectures, cafés, societies, libraries and events alone.

Nobody is studying you.

Most people are too busy thinking about themselves.

6. Try the 20-Minute Rule

If an event feels intimidating, tell yourself:

I only have to stay for twenty minutes.

Go.

Get a drink.

Look around.

Talk to one person if you can.

After twenty minutes, decide whether you want to stay.

If you do, brilliant.

If you don’t, you still went.

That counts.

7. Shared Kitchens Can Actually Help

You may be tempted to cook quickly and disappear.

But shared kitchens create natural conversation without the pressure of a formal event.

“What are you making?”

“Is that yours?”

“Do you know how this oven works?”

Sometimes friendship starts with extremely ordinary questions.

8. You Don’t Have to Drink

You do not owe anyone an explanation.

“No thanks, I’m good.”

That is a complete sentence.

If drinking isn’t your thing, look for daytime Freshers events, society meet-ups, sports, creative groups and quieter socials.

9. Friendship Usually Happens Slowly

The person you become close to might not be the first person you meet.

Or the second.

University friendships often grow through repeated contact.

The person who sits next to you every Tuesday.

The flatmate you keep bumping into.

Someone from your society.

Give it time.

10. You Are Allowed to Be New at This

Nobody begins university knowing how to do university.

That includes the social side.

You are learning.

Give yourself permission to be awkward sometimes.

To go home early.

To need quiet.

To try again tomorrow.

And remember:

You do not need to become someone else to belong.

You just need to give yourself a chance to be seen.

Want a little more support?

The University for Shy People fillable guide was created for students who want practical help navigating Freshers’ Week, flatmates, conversation, social events and those first few weeks away from home.

It includes tiny challenges, conversation starters, a first-week plan and a BeforeUni parent/student conversation page.

University for Shy People — £10.99